I’m a type of person who loves to be alone especially when traveling. It gives me time and particular space from this crowded place. A resting point. A haven. Away from everything. It makes me feel invisible to the naked eyes. And with music, I feel the whole world shut down in front of me as if I’m living in a different horizon. It gives me an ultimate freedom from this world. I want to explore new things and visit unfamiliar places all by myself. I want to try and experience a different culture and meet a different kind of people. I want to take risks, learn new languages and talk to strangers. I love being in strange places that I’ve never been before, the feeling of anxiety excites me. It makes me feel happy and alive at some point. It gives chills on my spine, and it satisfies my hunger from excitement and exploration. I love the smell of mountains and deep sea in the morning. I love the way my clothes smell the day after the campfire. I like the sound of peace and quiet. Traveling alone creates a lot of opportunity for me. Room for improvement and personal growth. A day to replenish my soul. It teaches me how to become independent and confident. It gives an infinite space of possibility, where I meet myself. And little do you know, we all have this kind of person living inside of us.

One day
I will be able to
walk
right up to
people
I don’t know and
introduce
myself with
confidence
and I will feel
comfortable
in my own skin and
I won’t have to
lie about my
accomplishments
to make myself feel more
impressive

One day
But not today
Not yet today

One day
the very thought of
talking
to a woman will not
terrify
me and I will be at
ease
with the fact that I am
attractive
and intelligent and interesting and not
worry
that I am some kind of sexless
slug
that couldn’t possibly ever
interest
a woman

One day
But not today
Not yet today

One day
I will be able to
apologize
to my family for the
lapses
in judgment and the
torment
I put them through
making them
wonder
if they were going to find me
dead
in an alley somewhere with
my face all blue and a
needle
in my arm and
I’ll be able to
look
them in the
eye
and ask them for
forgiveness

One day
But not today
Not yet today

One day
I will be able to
reconnect
with my son
who I thought
lost
to me forever
because
who needs an irresponsible
junkie
father in their life
who was only going to
promise
the world and then let them
down

One day
But not today
Not yet today

One day
I will be able to
walk
with my head held
high
into a world that doesn’t
overwhelm
and terrify me and be
able to smile
honestly
because I don’t feel
that I am about to
explode
or collapse in a nervous
breakdown

One day
But not today
Not yet today

I get way too sensitive when I get attached to someone. I can detect the slightest change in the tone of their voice, and suddenly I’m spending all day trying to figure out what I did wrong.

…and I am out with lanterns, looking for myself.

I can be someone’s and still be my own.

I see no difference between your smile and a ray of sunshine on a rainy day

Darling, all night
I have been flickering, off, on, off, on.